Check My Level! Check My T!

Depression hurts...  I thought it was hurting me.   I suffered from what I thought was depression shortly after graduating college and well into my early thirties.  As I got older my symptoms became worse: feeling a general lack of motivation, low sex drive, tired and fatigued all of the time, putting on body fat...  I figured it was depression and maybe just getting older (you know turning 30 makes you old as fuck).  My general practitioner diagnosed my symptoms as depression and we tried a variety of anti-depressants and I started counseling with a great therapist.

This is really personal and I'm only sharing in hopes of helping someone else out there who might be going through a similar situation.

Counseling helped sort out some areas of my life that needed sorting out, but even when things were at their best... things weren't good and my symptoms persisted.  My family was growing concerned with my complaints of "feeling tired" all of the time.

In 2008 I read an article describing symptoms of low testosterone on-line.  The light bulb went on... all of my nagging symptoms listed right there in one article.  I quickly made an appointment with my doctor to have my testosterone levels checked.

Results came back within a week and everything checked out.  My doctor said that my testosterone level was "within range".  Feeling actual "depression" I went home and popped a Celexa.  Months went by and nothing changed.

Then one sunny day in early 2009 I had to schedule an emergency appointment with my doctor for something entirely unrelated, the flu.  My doctor had no openings so I was forced to make my appointment with a different doctor at St Luke's South.  I went in to see my new doctor, he took one look at my blood work from my previous visit, compared it with work that was done years earlier (during a testicular cancer scare) and commented that my testosterone level had plunged.  My earlier work showed my testosterone levels as being high and currently I was one point from being below the range for my age group.   note* It doesn't take a genius to look at my bald head, hairy, somewhat muscular body and realize that somewhere along the way I had high testosterone. (not to mention a few years of gentle whoring in college when my sex drive was insatiable)  He prescribed androgel a topical gel which I applied to my shoulders daily after showering.  After a month of treatment my life changed completely.  Goodbye to antidepressants.

In the past year, I've switched from a daily topical gel to an injectable testosterone once every two weeks.  I did this for two reasons: 1. Cost: the gel was around $60 a month with insurance.  Injections around $3 per month.  2. Convenience: The gel is nasty.... it took forever to dry and often stuck to my clothing... another drawback was the skin irritation it caused after waxing.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about injecting testosterone.  I was afraid there would be a huge mood swing between injections.   I didn't want to bust into a "roidrage" and shove our dogs in the oven.  I also had a huge fear of injecting myself and of my testicles shrinking.   None of these fears have come to fruition and injecting yourself isn't a big deal.


This blog posting was brought to you by my left testicle. The one with the lump on it.   The one that received a sonogram in a broom closet at St. Luke's South while they were renovating. The one that felt violated.

Something Old, Something New, A Question for you...

After getting the green flag to lift again, I've made it through five months of very safe workouts as prescribed by my physical therapist.  My workouts started with me lifting half of what I would normally lift, and adding five pounds each week.  I did a full body routine 3 days a week, doing one set of exercises for each body part.  Lifting so little was a little disheartening at first, but I realized after taking my body measurements last week that I haven't lost any muscle mass.  Maybe lifting 5 or 6 days a week as I have in the past isn't totally necessary?   The last few months of lifting have gone off without a hitch, well except for a pulled groin muscle.  That however didn't happen in the gym, but on my kitchen floor as I was sliding in for another piece of this ridiculous Reese's birthday cake.  I almost think it was worth injury.

I'm now at a point where I can jump back into the kind of lifting that I was doing before neck pain.  The problem is... I've also gotten to a point where I'm extremely bored just lifting weights and doing cardio at the gym.  Looking for new and exciting options I have friends who have suggested classes at Title Boxing and Chris is getting to be quite a runner (He finished his first 5K on Thanksgiving day in 29 minutes), I've also considered getting a new bike and becoming serious about cycling.  I would love to hear of other options...  give it to me.  Please don't suggest jazzercise.  I'm looking for serious help here and look terrible in leg warmers.  The key to staying fit is finding an activity that you enjoy... which also happens to make you sweat.   I'm trying to find that something.

I also wouldn't mind avoiding the "resolutioners" come 01/01/2011 at the gym.  Any suggestions of workouts that can be done at home?

Vertigo here we go - go!

Much to my surprise I woke up with my equilibrium riding the tilt-a-whirl on Tuesday morning. I've never experienced Vertigo before... it's not a pleasant ride. This morning was a little better, but still spinning. I was able to get intoa "vertigo specialist" at Saint Luke's South today. She attempted to "realign my inner ear crystals". It felt like a lot of hocus - pocus, I think this 50 year old therapist was just looking for an excuse to wrestle me around on a table. Time will tell if the procedure worked!

Needless to say, I didn't get into the gym these last two days. I did start working on two blog entries. One discussing my experience with testosterone therapy and another about a book I recently read, FrameWork by Nicholas A. DiNubile MD. A very informative read... I'll be posting those shortly.

Hopefully tomorrow morning will be Vertigo free!

... This is how she lasciviously rolled me. Not as freak-nasty and fun as it appears.

You're right, I just wanted to use "lascivious" in a sentence.

The Start...

I've worked out since I was 14 years old. VHS recordings of "Gilad's Bodies In Motion" from ESPN and my father's doorway-mounted chin-up bar provided those early workouts. When I asked my parents for my first weight set for my 15th birthday, they eagerly gave in. I'm sure this was a welcome request from a son, who up until that point had only shown interest in the latest Madonna video or clothing from the International Male catalogue. I worked out in my bedroom like a madman, but made little headway in the way of muscle gain. The key factor ofnutrition was missing, I didn't enjoy eating things that were good for me as a kid. I graduated from high school 5'6 and 119lbs. You can't build muscle on Cool Ranch Doritos and Dr. Pepper.

I moved into my own apartment when I came to Kansas City to attend UMKC. This gave me an excellent opportunity to plan my own meals and focus on good tasting nutrition. I worked out 5 days a week, two times a day on most of those days and gained 50 pounds of (mostly) muscle in just under two years. I was so proud of myself, my best friend Chadwick can still remember the night we were hanging out at The Cabaret (local bar) and I looked in a mirror by the bathroom and noticed that I had actually "grown an ass". I wouldn't shut up about it. I'm sure all of the vodka cranberries added to our excitement. My family and friends were proud of me... at that point I felt like it was the proudest my parents had ever been of me. Although my mother did mention more than once, "you waddle like a duck" due to my large thighs rubbing. I've continued to lift until June of this year.

Now fifteen years later, I look back at all of the time I've spent in the gym, the supplements I've taken and mostly at all of the injuries I've suffered... the most recent an old neck injury that reappeared early this summer causing incredible pain, my hand to go numb and leaving me unable to workout. I'm currently going through physical therapy and quickly approaching the day that I'll be able to return to the gym. This little break from fitness ( I am allowed to go on walks) has given me plenty of time to think. Unfortunately, I now realize my motivation to "get big" and later stay big didn't come from the healthiest of places. I wish I could say that it was health motivated, but it came from a place of insecurity and a constant need for approval and attention.

A little older and more confident I'm ready to start working out again. This time focusing on my health, staying off of diabetic, cholesterol and high blood pressure medications (it's in the genes) and having the best adult life that I can possibly have. The purpose of this blog is to share my journey and share some of the information I've learned, mostly over these last few months of "down time".